i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
