Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
