Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
