I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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