and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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