A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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