I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
