if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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