I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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