Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
