Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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