Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
