She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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