The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
