He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
