a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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