I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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