What a fucking waste of an outfit
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
