Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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