i just google imaged poop.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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