Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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