this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
