I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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