i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
