the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
