He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
