i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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