Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my shit smells like andre
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
