Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think your dad took our porno
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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