If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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