why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
