what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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