Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
