i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
