Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
