I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
