im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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