4 words: hood of his car
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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