I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
