I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
