I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
