I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
