I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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