i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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