So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
is it fun? or sober?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
