I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
barbara walters just said penis...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
