i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
