Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
