I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
