is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
