She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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