he wants to bone in the snuggie
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
