It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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