I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
